Dawn of Souls

so this is weird...i haven't been on for exactly one year!! lets see...whats happened in the past year... i turned 19, heehhee, i started working at taco bell..my one year there is coming up. im still in college. but next semester i wont be going back. im going to be moving in with my friend brandon. that'll be fun! anywho... and then the real reason im on here.... my dad has been cheating on my mom and he just came out with that on wednesday. its one of those things that i couldnt see happening to my family, ya know? but i think its because of all the arguments that have been going on at home. what with my brother and his stupid teen angst. *rolls eyes* that has brought on some stupendous arguments. he sicked the cps on my parents....and that totally backfired on him...loser. my mom isnt working at the hospital anymore. that was because she was working with a bunch of backstabbing, lying bitches. and just recently she got a job teaching at a college with some medical class. and then the whole thing with my dad.... i dont know man.... like i can hardly process it....I dont know if i really trust men anymore..at all...well the only one i 100% trust is my friend max. i love him so much. but dad....him seein' this other woman...doing things with her...like...agh! it depresses me. and today when i got home from work, mom wasnt home. and i found out from my brother that she just went out "for a drive" im like wtf?? no one in our family just goes out to cruise! thats wasting gas man...and we cant afford that. so...it gets later and later and she wont answer her phone...finally she calls back...just to say that shes safe and with a friend. and that she isnt coming home tonight. she said she might tomorrow. all this shit is tearing me apart. i dont know what to do. im so close just to picking up my shit and staying with my friend and his mom. and i was thinking that if she was seein someone on the side too...i would lose it...i would have to move out. right then and there...i would explode...i just dont know how to deal with this. my family is so screwed up. i was raped over a 10 year period, my brother needs serious counseling/anger management, my older step brother is the one who raped me *and he just had a little girl...trust me...im so close to telling someone what happened to me so it doesnt happen to her*, an extremely overbearing older sister, a psychotic mother who can explode at a moments notice, and then my dad who sneaks around with another woman....what the hell man?? i just need a solid foundation that i can rely upon...it is supposed to be my parents..but what the hell can i do!?!? anyway...its nice to be back! ^_^