Dawn of Souls

so this is weird...i haven't been on for exactly one year!! lets see...whats happened in the past year... i turned 19, heehhee, i started working at taco bell..my one year there is coming up. im still in college. but next semester i wont be going back. im going to be moving in with my friend brandon. that'll be fun! anywho... and then the real reason im on here.... my dad has been cheating on my mom and he just came out with that on wednesday. its one of those things that i couldnt see happening to my family, ya know? but i think its because of all the arguments that have been going on at home. what with my brother and his stupid teen angst. *rolls eyes* that has brought on some stupendous arguments. he sicked the cps on my parents....and that totally backfired on him...loser. my mom isnt working at the hospital anymore. that was because she was working with a bunch of backstabbing, lying bitches. and just recently she got a job teaching at a college with some medical class. and then the whole thing with my dad.... i dont know man.... like i can hardly process it....I dont know if i really trust men anymore..at all...well the only one i 100% trust is my friend max. i love him so much. but dad....him seein' this other woman...doing things with her...like...agh! it depresses me. and today when i got home from work, mom wasnt home. and i found out from my brother that she just went out "for a drive" im like wtf?? no one in our family just goes out to cruise! thats wasting gas man...and we cant afford that. so...it gets later and later and she wont answer her phone...finally she calls back...just to say that shes safe and with a friend. and that she isnt coming home tonight. she said she might tomorrow. all this shit is tearing me apart. i dont know what to do. im so close just to picking up my shit and staying with my friend and his mom. and i was thinking that if she was seein someone on the side too...i would lose it...i would have to move out. right then and there...i would explode...i just dont know how to deal with this. my family is so screwed up. i was raped over a 10 year period, my brother needs serious counseling/anger management, my older step brother is the one who raped me *and he just had a little girl...trust me...im so close to telling someone what happened to me so it doesnt happen to her*, an extremely overbearing older sister, a psychotic mother who can explode at a moments notice, and then my dad who sneaks around with another woman....what the hell man?? i just need a solid foundation that i can rely upon...it is supposed to be my parents..but what the hell can i do!?!? anyway...its nice to be back! ^_^

no more tblog for me. im done with it. it was cool while it lasted, but...no more.....

has been my current past time.... but other than that stuff has been good..got some new clothes. friends are coming over tonight cuz my parents are leaving town...wooo!! bad amy! lol, were just gonna watch some anime and play video games...and im also making dinner for four guys tonight. hmmmmm....something with hamburger meat....ill figure it out....anyways, school has been going good. and my pokemon phase has lasted longer than suspected. im playing leafgreen right now. i caught moltres just last night. and its cool, because if i stay with this game i know ill be able to have a complete pokedex, i got mew in a special promotional giveaway. so thats cool, but i need to get firered. and emerald....and pokemon mystery dungeon red...and a nintendo ds...and pomemon mystery dungeon blue....and and....DAMNIT!!!!!! I NEED MONEY!!!!

NUMA NUMA!!!! THE SONG THAT MADE YOU WANNA GET UP AND DANCE TO THE TECHNO BEAT!!!!*and the song that turned out to be a love song, shrugs* AND NOW.......... THERES NEW NUMA!!!! ONCE AGAIN GARY BROLSMA BRINGS US QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT BY PROVIDING YET AGAIN A WONDERFUL VIDEO ACCOMPANIED BY AWESOME TECHNO MUSIC!!!!! IF YOU DONT KNOW NUMA NUMA OR NEW NUMA....WELL, YOU SHOULD!!!!

Someone else besides me finally said it. There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "Whiteboy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK. But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP. You have BET. If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists. If we had White History Month, we'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists. We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that? If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White Colleges" that would be a racist college. In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists. You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists. You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist. I am proud. But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists? how can all the mexicans, who a few months ago were cutting classes to riot and wave mexican flags, arent even US citizens, and openly claim allegience to mexico before the USA, wear red white and blue on the 5th anniversary of 9/11. that pisses me off fickle bastards

soo....its my third day of college....and its not too bad... i have an online class..that'll be interesting..its health...and then i have elementary algebra in the morning, and infromation systems in the afternoon. its pretty cool here. but, i dunno, charlie doesnt seem the same lately. shes just differnt...or indiffernet towards me. did i do something wrong? its kinda like she doesnt really want me around or something. well, whatever. its not like this hasent happened before, and if thats the case, ill get over it. anyways...ya, i hafta do all of the online stuff here at school because my computer at home sucks ass...lol, the library is like 80% computers. with a grand total of about 20 rows of books. *sigh* oh well....anyways, im gonna go my ass hurts from sitting here and im hungry, so lata!!!!

runs through all of us....just when you think you've met someone "normal" you find out the darkest, slickest, stickiest, rotted, infested thing about them............and for some reason............. .............................. you still love them...........*cries*

*runs by naked*

someone keeps leaving me comments!!!! and i dont know who they are!!!!! and when i click on them it takes me to tblogs home page!!!! who are you mystery person?!!?!

im getting sick anyways....sorry about the lack of posting. oh! a week after i turned 18, i got a tattoo. its a western dragon on my upper back. it took three and a half hours. but it turned out really good. ill scan it and put it on here....eventually. anyways...ill talk to you later....

i turned 18 today. woo!! be happy for me!

guess what tomorrow is? anyone? come on! guess!!

whoooo, boy! for a while i was really depressed about graduation and all that....but when it actually got to it..i was really excited! okay.....last thursday is when it all started. i had graduation practice at 10 in the morning, so went to that. and the i slept the rest of the day, and then at around four i went to school, to leave for grad night, and OMFG!!!!! that was the best night of my life!!! sooooooooooo much fun!!!! and omg!!! these two guys that sat in front of me, they were like acquantices, and they kept wanting me to strip or have sex with this guy erik. i was like no no no no no!!! and they kept bothering me about it!!! but damn i had fun...well, i got home around nine in the morning on june 2. i got a shower and slept the day away, and then i went to graduation, and then after that was over i went to sober grad, which was over at our fair grounds. here in porterville is the only place that does this thing. what it is, senior and one guest get to go, and its like a big party. EVERYTHING is free!!! soda, burgers, ice cream, pizza, pretzels, ohhh!!! and they had pistachios!!! yum!! oh!! and they raffled off all kinds of awesome things, and then a car!! and my friend ericka won the car!!! she was SO happy!!! anyways, i got home aroud 2:30 in the morning. and my mom let me sleep in till one in the afternoon! she knew how tired i was. lets see, that was saturday, so that evening there was a get together at poor richards pizza of family for my graduation. and then on sunday, i was supposed to go to a party, but there was going to be lots of drinking and i am so not comfortable with that. one of the reasons for my being uncomfortable is that i wasnt going to know a lot of people. so i went to hang out with my friend max. i had fun over there. he was all by himself. and then monday afternoon, my parents went to go pick up my older brother from down south, he's been over in tokyo for like eight months. *sigh* i found out that he and his wife are having problems, and they are getting a divorce. i was upset, but no where near as upset when he brought home a "friend". the fucking bastard brought home his new girlfriend. im sooooo pissed at him. i didnt even hug him or talk to him. argh!!!!!! well, he left the next morning to go to missouri to see our older sister. he should be back on saturday....with his girlfriend.....im so disgusted with him....i dont even want to talk to him. anyways, im gonna go make some brownies...i need the chocolate.....

counting down the days until the day i turn 18. :) anyways....all i have left of school is graduation practice, grad night, graduaion, and sober grad night. im almost ready to take the leap into adulthood.....mommy will you hold my hand please? anyways, other than that ive been super. OMG!!!!! THESES GUYS SUCK ASS!!!! i got a call last night, and my mom answered the phone. she handed me the phone saying it was either max, brandon, or omar. i said hello....and some guy was all like "hey amy! how's it going?" i was like "uh, okay..how are you?" he kinda stopped and said "do you know who this is?" "uhhhhh, nooo..." "ohhh, thats fucked up!! its jason miller!! you know you said we could hook up!!you know at that party" "uhhhh, what party? where? i dont remember" "damn, we weren't that drunk" "WHAT PARTY?! where were we at?!" "i dunno some guys house" ....at this point i got scared.... "okaaaaayyy....uhhhh..." "ya, you gave me the address and everything. can i come by right now." "uhhhh, i guess....see if i can remember you...." "aahahahahahahahaah!!!!! im just fucking with you amy!!!!!" ...............it was omar and brandon.......................i kicked and scratched them..........

please excuse that...er....last post....i was under the influence of jack daniels and jose quervo....heheh...sorry...i have to have some fun sometimes....

please excuse that...er....last post....i was under the influence of jack daniels and jose quervo....heheh...sorry...i have to have some fun sometimes....

i need some fuckig cock...and what really pisses me offf is when you see some one on here and their like hot and stuff and theyre all the fuck way cross the countyr..fuckin piss me fof

i finished my resume. wooo....now im bored....and my knee hurts...i havent posted in so long...but you know who hasn't posted in FOREVER?!!! Grete Samsa!!! shes making me mad!! j/k..i love you babe! but in my world...lets see..i have cap and gown and announcements...ehhhhhh....im really short on cash because i have to pay for the senior trip...i still need to take the damn entry test for our community college....ahhh!! *curls into fetal position* im so behind....so very...behind....you know ive noticed a pattern when i blog....lots of stress an none of the old me...

is today ^^ im at brandon's house with krystal and him of course. right now they are in his room doing who knows what....it sucks...i still have feelings for brandon...but i know he wont ever like me like that...besides hes head over heels krystal... V.V ive had a crush on brandon since like freshman year. but since this kind of thing has happened so many times...ill get over it...right now there is only a little bit of pain when i see him with her....V.V *sigh* but other than that im just hanging out. its cool i got permission from my parents to ditch today. they never did this kind of stuff when they were in school...i believe that from my dad...but my mom is another story... :P i think mom was a bit of a live wire in her younger days. shes only hinted at things she done (which include heavy drinking, drugs, and just general bad girl stuff)but i get the hint. i understand that they dont want me to be like that, and i never will be...i understand the harm and the problems that come with that stuff. anyways...graduation is coming up...june 2....lets see whats coming up? *thinks* not much until next month...thats when im sure ill get really stressed with all the activity going on..pops concert...grad night, graduation, sober grad night...college...supporting my self REALLY soon...forgive me if i go into convulsions...*twitch* eh, anyways...im out...

KH II IS COMING OUT ON TUESDAY (OR WEDNESDAY!!) AND IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! I RAN AROUND THE HOUSE SCREAMING WHEN I SAW IT ADVERTISED IN THE PAPER!!!! THE COVER IS SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! SQUIDDLY SPOOCH!!! IM SO EXCTIED, IM SPOUTING RANDOM WORDS!!! MY "CHICKEN" THINGY IS MAGNIFIED TIMES A JILLION!!! EHEHEEHEHEHE!!!!LOL I REMEMBER MY VERY FIRST POST ON HERE SAID THAT KINGDOM HEARTS IS MY FAVORITE GAME! AND IT STILL IS!!!! WHWLSJFWHLEFKJWGHE!!!! <------- THATS MY BEING EXCITED!!!! :P>

nothing going on. i just finished a civics paper...TWO DAYS EARLY!!! oh shit!!! HELL HAS FROZEN OVER PEOPLE!!!! heh, i kid. anyvaws...not much going on. just thought id write a post celebrating the completion of my civics paper. ^_^ its 11:08 and my eyes hurt, and so does my knee...and im craving cheese...with orange juice...eh damn...lol..i married krystal!! on myspace there was a "hubby application" and she got the job!! but brandon doesnt really like it. its because he wants to date her REALLY bad, and me being the stupid blunder head that i am...rubbed it in his face without thiking about his feelings. when i figured it out, man, did i feel like shit. the thing is she wont date him because she loves some guy over in washington. what i dont understand is why she wont go out with brandon, hes a really sweet and loving guy who is right there for her!!! not all the way in effing washington!!! ok, ok...calm down...*sigh* alright...im gonna go to bed...damn now my stomach hurts...wtf is wrong with me? it might be stress...the other day i pulled out a whitish/silvery hair. it was cool but i kinda worried me....but, g'night...

i got caught in a lie so i got the car taken away from me and i cant do anything im not even supposed to be on the computer noone is home is why im even on. not just the lie thingy either i also have bad grades. argh! im so bad! i cant wait to move out, but pretty soon in going to be getting a job so i can start to support myself...some...*tear* but anyways...i heart everyone! drop a comment sometime!! ^_^

i like how we can now see who's viewing our blog. i see some pretty interesting people coming to mine. really i dont even know why you guys come here. but, anyways. you know whats pissing me off? i cant log into my email or my messenger! i dont know what the hell is going on with it. we've defraged the computer and all kinds of shit, but it still won't let me on! i even made a seperate log on account on the computer and my email/ messenger....but it still doesnt work! my friends are getting messenger and im being left behind! PLEASE if you can help me....i would really like it!!!

im in civics. and bap is bored. hes mumbling. hes also crazy, but thats okay. eh, sorry i havent posted in so long. im caught up in the whole myspace frenzy. i saw a shirt in hot topic and it said "you looked better on myspace." hell yes i look better on myspace. im an angel ^_^ i went to hollywood for a field trip it was fun. the hotel was really cool. i was really excited to see the hollywood sign. and then i saw that big steel rotating globe thingy, that said universal studios. ya... we didnt have ANY hot water this morning..so we had to heat water up on the stove. THAT was interesting. we were just out of propane. grrrrrr. seriously...this guy..bap....is crazy...i wonder if he has add. i dunno...okay im done writing, well not really cuz i keep writing....ok now im done (see right there <------->